Would it kill you hollywood? Would it? Who’s fault is it? The director, the editor or the writer?
Just three damn lines of dialogue to fix your plot holes, inconsistencies, convoluted moments, wasted moments and general fucktardery.
Regular folks [read: dumb] can watch a movie, or a show, and be generally appeased with the entertainment with little complaint. I mean, hell, that explains why ‘Two and a Half Men‘ has been on the air as long as it has. Hyper vigilant geeky people like me see this stufff, get into a nerd rage and have to write about, say mean things and call non geeks dumb (sorry folks). But anyway.
The point is, just a couple of lines, a few seconds of screen time could explain away the glaring errors. Here are three examples:
- Remember in the book, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the Marauders Map? It was created by Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail and Mooney? In the book it was a big deal. A real big deal. It was via this plot tool that the past and present were connected. Harry learned Proff Lupin was Mooney, and that his Dad would turn into a stag (Prongs), Black into a giant dog (Padfoot) to corral Lupin and Wormtail would calm the womping willow. This was why Harry’s patronus was a Stag. Connecting the father and son, though they never met. Deep huh? Well, absolutely none of that made it into the movie. Sure, the Map was in there, and Lupin and Remus both knew of the map and its abilities, you briefly saw a stag from Harry’s wand, but that’s it. The movie never took any GDamn seconds to tell you WHY. Good thing we got talking a shrunken head in a Jamaican accent on the Knight Bus instead. Total time to allow Prof. Lupin to explain this heartwarming moment in the end of the flick while he was packing up his trunk and handing the Map back to Harry: 42 seconds.
- Iron Man 3. Yeesh. Ok, the plot that movie is rife for ridicule (and I will pick it apart later). However, I will focus on one thing: The ARC reactor in his chest. Remember that piece of engineering marvel that provided clean wireless energy in addition to keeping the shrapnel out of his heart? Well, apparently the folks making the movie did. In IM1, it powered his suit, but come IM2 Rodie exploited the fact mysterious fact the new suits no longer needed it. What what what? Why? And come IM3, Tony had a fleet of suits that don’t require it. If the intent of the movie was to spit in the face of the established “rules” of the franchise, then bravo. But, if it was an oversight or editing mistake, why not fix it? Maybe Pepper asked Tony why wold he do such a bass-akward thing, and he could be all smarmy and tell her it was a choice to make the armor independently powered, but he could always fall back on his mini ARC. And then in the crucial moment of act 2, after the ‘Mandarin’s’ attack on Tony’s home. The suit flew off with him and he crash landed in the snow because he was out of power? At that moment there could have been a line or two of dialogue with Jarvis explaining the wireless energy transfer was offline, hence the whole second act of IM3 with him and the kid and recharging his armor? Total screen time to fix said fuck up: 31 seconds.
- Thor, blonde, buff Asgardian bad-ass. And frankly, kind of an asshole. In his 2011 big screen debut he had friction with his old man and BAM, sent to Earth to learn his lesson. And over the course of a long weekend, he learned humility. And we learned he was blind because he chose the scary tooth-to-gum ratio of Natalie Portman’s smile over the awesome rack of Kat Dennings. But anyway. Since they clearly established he WAS the actual Norse God of human myth, that made him over a thousand years old, not the late 20’s deity he appeared to be. A thousand. So,…a few days was enough to make him rethink everything? In this example, a simple explanation addition to NattiePO during the stargazing scene would have suffice. One where he tells her, in his world time passes differently, and that is why Proff. Selvig’s ancestors thought him a God. He could have said that he as only 28. And we as an audience could see a young man evaluating the error of his ways following the “death” of his father and humility in his past actions. Total screen time to explain, 19 seconds.
When movies like this come out, sometime they have a plot hole that drives me, other nerds and the internet nuts. The fix is simple, but no one takes the fucking time to simply say “Ahh, a line or two here and there we go, a cohesive story!” Instead they crank the flick out, jack up the sound and CGI eye orgy and hope above hope no one notices until well after the box office gross comes in.
That being said if they actually did fix them, nerds like me wouldn’t have anything to bitch [talk] about to other nerdy friends and the internet. Hmm, could Hollywood be so smart as they planned that?……………
Angry Nerd 